Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
