: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
birth control should be required to get into college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
