You work out of a Hotel?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
