Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
