Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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