Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
