Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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