I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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