dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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