my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
