I hate your face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
