I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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