Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
