I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
