Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
