My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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