All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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