She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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