The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
