Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize