youre lurking in front of me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
