So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
