Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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