After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's never too late to be topless.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
