I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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