woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
