i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
