Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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