What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
