After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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