his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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