Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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