I'm jealous of your bromance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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