First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize