i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
