get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
