if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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