be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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