i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
