i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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