I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
