I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
