just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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