people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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