i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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