would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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