His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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