Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
