she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
