Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
