It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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