Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
