My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
