I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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