I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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