It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
