Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
