You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
