so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
