Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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