So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
