I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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