She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
