So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
